Entrevista com o educador Marcos Meier

sicredi_fronteiras_29_08_2017

Como estabelecer limites a seus filhos e criar hábitos saudáveis
Entrevistado: Marcos Meier

Professor Marcos, quais as dúvidas mais frequentes que o senhor recebe por e-mails de pais e mães?
As mais frequentes são: “Como faço para tirar meu filho do computador e do celular? Ele fica tempo demais”, “Meu filho, quando contrariado, faz birra, chora, grita e não para de fazer escândalo. Como devo agir?” e “Se não posso bater, como punir?”. Há uma “onda” atual valorizando o instinto em detrimento das orientações de especialistas. Gostaria de dizer que pais e mães devem seguir, sim, seu coração, seu instinto em muitas situações novas do dia a dia. No entanto, há princípios científicos muito bem fundamentados que podem orientar os pais na tarefa de educar e que irão facilitar muito seu trabalho. Séculos de Ciência, de Psicologia e de estudos sobre o comportamento humano não podem, simplesmente, serem desconsiderados em nome do “instinto” que, às vezes, erra.

Quais os principais erros que pais e mães cometem na hora de educar seus filhos?
O melhor perfil de pais é o participativo, uma mistura equilibrada de afeto e autoridade. Bastante carinho, conversa, intimidade é a base para um desenvolvimento emocional saudável por parte das crianças. Porém, isso só funciona se vier acompanhado de autoridade. Pais que colocam regras estabelecem as fronteiras entre o que a criança ou adolescente pode fazer e o que não pode. O verdadeiro amor sabe dizer não, sabe colocar limites e estabelece as regras com sabedoria. Os principais erros dos pais na educação de filhos é enfatizar apenas um dos lados: só afeto ou só autoridade. Crianças que só ganham carinho e não ouvem “nãos” ficam mimadas, egocêntricas e superprotegidas. Isso traz a elas fragilidade emocional. Quando adultas, a chance de serem pessoas dependentes emocionais é muito grande. No outro extremo estão as crianças que recebem regras demais, sem afeto. Elas crescem aprendendo a dizer “sim pai”, “sim mãe” e não desenvolvem posicionamento crítico, não valorizam as próprias ideias e tem medo de lutar pelos próprios sonhos, já que as poucas tentativas foram abafadas pela autoridade de seus pais. Quer acertar? Equilibre afeto com autoridade.

Pais muito conservadores geram filhos conservadores? Vale o mesmo para os pais liberais?
A relação não é direta, mas pais muito conservadores que limitam a criatividade de seus filhos, não os permitindo agir com autonomia, acabam abafando a personalidade deles, já que só aprenderam a obedecer e não a debater, argumentar, contra-argumentar. Pais liberais criam filhos inseguros, pois faltaram limites. Os limites estabelecem fronteiras que trazem segurança às crianças, pois dentro daquelas regras é possível criar, brincar, fazer amigos, existir. Se não houver limites, somente quando a criança extrapola é que vêm broncas, lições de moral ou castigos mal aplicados. Isso faz com que a criança esteja sempre pensando “será que posso ou não posso?”, o que gera insegurança.

Qual o equilíbrio para ser um pai ou uma mãe ideal?
O equilíbrio é estabelecer uma vida de intimidade, cumplicidade e parceria com os filhos ao mesmo tempo em que são estabelecidas as regras e combinadas as consequências em caso de desobediência. Assim não tem erro.

Que problemas a criança que fica o dia inteiro no computador pode desenvolver?
Em meu livro “Desligue isso e vá estudar!” eu proponho um teste que os pais podem fazer para descobrir se o filho já está dependente de internet. E se já tiver indícios de dependência é importante procurar ajuda o mais breve possível, pois a dependência de internet é muito parecida com a de outras drogas. Em geral os problemas aparecem prejudicando áreas da vida como a estudantil (notas ruins na escola), relacional (perde amigos e só se relaciona virtualmente), mantem vínculos fracos com familiares (são só usados para manter a dependência, ou seja, o sujeito agrada o pai para receber celular, computador e sinal de internet, fora isso, nada interessa na relação familiar). Na área física o adolescente (ou até mesmo a criança) fica com o sono alterado, perturbado, vida sedentária (para de correr, brincar…), obesidade (come muita besteira, refrigerante, salgadinhos… e tudo fora de hora) e outros problemas.

Como a internet pode ser uma aliada dos pais na educação dos filhos?
Precisamos tomar dois litros de água por dia, isso é saudável. E se a água for de qualidade, melhor ainda. Entretanto, tomar 20 litros ou 200 litros de água por dia é prejudicial, ataca os rins e coloca o corpo sob uma sobrecarga desumana. E se a água for ruim, doenças surgirão. O problema não é a água, mas a qualidade e a quantidade dela. O mesmo com a internet. O problema não é ela em si, pois há muita coisa boa na internet, nem conseguimos mais viver sem ela, mas há muita porcaria online e se nossos filhos ficarem conectados por tempo excessivo, ela não fará bem e as consequências irão aparecer. O segredo é usar bem e dentro de limites de tempo pré-estabelecidos. Há várias outras orientações, mas creio que aqui já abrimos espaço para a reflexão.

desligue_isso_e_va_estudar

Marcos Meier é psicólogo, mestre em educação, escritor e palestrante. Autor do livro “Desligue isso e vá estudar! – orientações práticas para os pais” (Editora Fundamento). Contatos pelo site www.meiererolim.com.br | Livros à venda na loja virtual www.kapok.com.br | Foto: Estúdio Cafeína
A obra nasceu de uma compilação de pedidos de ajuda que o autor Marcos Meier recebeu de pais e mães ao longo de sua carreira. Baseado em experiências reais, este livro é um poderoso guia prático para melhorar o comportamento de seus filhos e ajudá-lo a ser um pai ou uma mãe melhor. Com respostas baseadas na Psicologia e nos princípios da Educação, Marcos Meier oferece orientações de como lidar com cada uma dessas questões e trata também de assuntos atuais relacionados ao uso excessivo da internet, à chegada de um novo irmãozinho, à dificuldade de adaptação em uma nova escola, hiperatividade e bullying. De forma simples, prática, sensível e, sobretudo, eficaz “Desligue isso e vá estudar!” auxiliará os pais a atuarem com firmeza diante dessas adversidades, estabelecendo limites a seus filhos e criando hábitos saudáveis.

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